it was horrendous.
i felt so out.
and dwarfed.
swallowed, engulfed, by the people around.
i had to get out quick.
before i realise i couldn't fit in.

just 4 alphabets.
sent a tinkle down my spine.

and it didn't help that i was happy by it.

that was a bad dream. a very, very bad dream.
i can't stop dreaming like this. and it was just one tiny screen with a queer name, one string of words, and i'm set off thinking the whole day. crestfall.
i have to stop this.

when you have as much free time as i have... well i guess you get 5new blog updates per day... at the minimum haha.
who complained that i never write anything... i think i'm starting to write a lot (of crap). maybe cos i have nothing to download already since they are all made illegal. that's quite sad. i mean we support singers or movies, but they don't have to sell one cd at $19.90 when the cost price is only $2, then now they want to sue us for downloading cos we're not so stupid to buy their over-priced stuff. how ridiculous. and we haven't even mass-complained them to bits yet.
uhh i'm talking about that since i mentioned downloads. bluarghz.

missed me?

i've regretted many things.
like throwing my temper when i thought my feelings ought to be known. and suffering the consequences up till now.
like never daring to take a move - either to initiate a talk or to search back.
i've never gotten out of my habits - i still wait. wait. wait.
perhaps it's time i do something.
just perhaps.

as i stood there,
just rewinding the hands of time,
just staring,
dazed.

...and the trauma is finally over...
but a new one is about to begin.
it seems that this week is getting pretty packed for me.
whoever said that i'm a slacker at work?!
friday... office dinner, orientation outing, bondue outing, not to mention denzyl's out.
saturday... half day of work, half a day of ndp, SMUve in the night
sunday... vivace

and my truckloads of errands. i should make a note here.
**my medical certificate!!! still uncollected.**

if it's too good to be true,
it ain't gonna bring you nowhere.

i've been protected too long.
i won't fly away.
the winds will curse you,
the thorns will prick you.

the wings spread,
i'm ready to fly.
let the people stone you,
let the wildlife attack you.

and still,
it's worthy to die just once.
with freedom at my side.

please walk away.

and there it goes, pile after pile.
but it's good in a way.
at least i'm occupied for the moment.
or so it seems.

lately, i just can't seem to think anymore.
i'll just drown in the pixelated characters.
at least -
i own that world.

[.]
skipped.
is this what it felt like last time?

and just when you wish that he has a dimple...
he smiled
just like magic.
"so, wanna take a picture?"
but not to me.
so i turned and walked away.
being ignored -
seems to be something i have to get used to now.

oh man there suddenly seemed to be an overloading work pushing me around, i'm running askew!! sheesh. it's not good to have been slacking too long cos when my work suddenly seemed neverending, i guess i just sort of made it neverending... (one good example is to see what i'm doing now) oh well, people need to relax. but - just when my harry potter comes?! bad timing...

i'm looking forward to the next camp now that this one ended quite so well. unexpectedly. heh heh. and looking at my previous posts, i suppose i shouldn't have dreaded it so much after all. maybe it was due to past camp experiences since i really didn't have that much fun, but i attribute the outcome to the people in my group~! (not all though) and if i just overlook things that didn't really appeal to me, yup, everything was pretty smooth.

points of complaints:
the food was terrible. (not all la, but my briyani happened to have a litre of oil inside)
the drinks was basically plain water with colorings. (except milo and teh)
we were swimming in our holy (hole-y) tents. (ended up sleeping on trash bags...)
sleeping with wet hair. (like bath and sleep immediately?)
and i hate spider webs. (the sky was pretty though)

i shall keep the good points to myself haha

a to-hope list:
1) that thursday comes quickly.
2) that tuesday passes quickly.
3) that wednesday don't exist.
4) that monday would go on forever.
5) that friday would replace tuesday.

i didn't see any cute guys.
i didn't see any cute guys.
i didn't see any cute guys.
i didn't see any cute guys.

just trying to wake myself up.

if you just pretend it didn't happen, then your sub-consciousness would also play along with you, and maybe you can erase it from your memory, right?
wrong.
i supposed the more i pretend it didn't happen, the more it becomes terrifying that it has actually happened.

the last time i saw consecutive big moths (and i mean big, like a3 size that kind of big) was when i was probably in primary school, and i swear i saw the same moth (or maybe there was just too many of them?). the first time i think it was somewhere in singapore, the second was at a computer school my cousin was attending, the last one was at the beef noodles shop beside my fifth aunt's tang yuan shop. it got entangled in a big fan and laid on the floor, twitching, like a piece of paper, dying.
a few days ago, i saw 4 consecutive moths again. just wondering what it means. this time it's just much smaller, like 3 pieces of namecard sizes. the first was in the morning near my block while walking towards the mrt, and the second was at my workplace, the third it was back at my block again, and the next minute after i see the last moth, another one appeared at my feet, dead.

... and the smell still lingers

looking at this just bring back the puke-inducing smell... urghh. oh and doesn't this prove that we both don't drink enough water? by the way, it was warm... *pui pui* chrysanthmum, anyone?

it's just those feelings when all of a sudden you can hate someone so much, and you pick on the slightest faults and detest every inch of what he possesses. and it just fuel on the hatred when he really does something as obvious as picking his nose. urghh.