Getting warded... immediately.

20 weeks.

We called Yongin Severance but no one picked up since it was a PH and we eventually decided to just get warded at Bundang Yeoseong instead, since they picked up the call almost immediately. 2hours later i was at the hopital and after the fetal movement checks, the doctor advised for me to be hospitalised immediately. I had packed my stuff and was ready to receive medical attention. The good thing was nampyeon could stay with me and i didn't need any corona test. The hospital obviously cared more about the emotional well-being of moms more than tertiary institutions. I was also surprised their food improved so much (due to a change in caterer). Every meal seem so well-designed and tasted heavenly! It looked normal but the taste was unlike other dishes that had the same outlook.

duck meat!

For the whole week i was dripped on Lavobar and had the levels adjusted whenever i felt more pains or when the intervals got shortened. I had nampyeon by my side who helped me to the toilet since i was trembling terribly from the drip's side effects. He entertained me and installed Stardew valley so we could continue gaming since there was nothing i could do while bed ridden. However i couldn't game for very long - my babies must have hated it because my contractions came on whenever i was on my phone, and i could barely play an hr or so.

In our 5person-ward, there was only another lady with us. She had twins like me and early contractions. I noticed she was sniffling occasionally.. and i realised she might have lost her child in her triplet set like me. She had someone accompanying her who would console her to not cry and be brave and i heard it all. It was actually minimally consoling to know i was not the only one going through such a mess. I could identify with her sniffles, because I, too, made the same sounds just every once and then.

After almost a week there i was scheduled to have an ultrasound to check the baby's condition. I was hit with a new bout of bad news. One of our twins had a hole in her heart and this hospital wasn't equipped to handle it. Additionally they were not able to purge my contractions at their current medical level. The doctor urged us to transfer to a tertiary hospital with the correct specialists early next day.

an unexpected passing

I was looking forward to my detailed Ultrasound because i would be able to see my babies' genders. The doctor's expression wasn't so good when he started to spoke though.

'첫째 아기가 잘 못 된것 닽아요 - My eldest baby seems to have gone wrong.' Till now, I can never forget what he said. 'It doesn't have a heartbeat.' At first i thought ok something may have gone wrong but they could fix it couldn't they? But he told me 'The baby is dead. We don't know why, it may have been born with a weak stature from the beginning.'

How can this be? My eldest was the most healthiest, biggest, with the strongest heartbeat. How could it have been weak? I didn't understand. They could not diagnose further. The doctor said the only thing they can check now is if the remains of it will affect the other 2 through a blood test, and if i was having contractions again. However since it was in a separate sac, it was unlikely to affect.

I started to cry as the sentence sank in. One of my babies died. The doctor said I should be hospitalised to monitor but due to the current situation i would need to be hospitalized alone for at least 1 week with no visitors. I refused. I couldn't go in a room alone straightaway by myself for a week without any emotional support. I was a wreck. I cried when i went to the toilet. I cried when nampyeon was settling the bills and i cried when they were drawing my blood for testing.

There were so many regrets that passed through me. Perhaps i should have listened to my FIL and get hospitalized from the start. Perhaps i sat for too long and the the baby was being crushed beneath. Was it too pressured by the twins above? Perhaps i should have requested for a detailed ultrasound all the same on the next day when I last came here for a scan. But all these perhaps... were too late. That night while i slept in between tears i looked out for signs of contractions and i felt a slight squeeze occasionally. I decided i would get warded the next day just in case, even if I needed to be isolated.

Wk 20.. the start of the downturn

This was when my whole nightmare started. I had diarrhea the day before because i left my carrot cake out from the morning and didn't keep it in the fridge. I ate it at night for dinner and it tasted slightly weird. This was probably the worst decision I've ever made... and I'm not sure if this was the trigger factor but I'm sure it had something to do with what follows after.

Feeling uneasy, i called for a checkup just the next day. Our main doctor wasn't there and the lady who took over just did a quick scan of each baby's heartbeat, as well as my cervix length. They put me in the contractions room to monitor my tummy movements and said that i seem to be having slight contractions (eventho i couldn't feel anything abnormal). I was placed on IV drip for about an hour with a device in my hand to press should i feel anything weird. I didn't, and ended up not pressing anything. The only thing i felt was my throat drying up when they linked the drips and i kept coughing.

At the end i was told that i could leave but i would need to do a Corona test - it involves sticking a stick about 70% the length of a pocky down my nose to retrieve the mucus at the back, and a cotton swab of whatever it is at the back of my mouth. I was told to stay home till they called me for the results. Of course i was negative for Corona.

I was supposed to have a detailed ultrasound of my babies on the 7th but it was postponed a week later since the rough ultrasound indicated normality. During this week i carried on activities per normal - working on Photoshop, playing games, taking noon naps and staying up late (till 4am). Looking back, late nights and long hours of sitting may even have been contributing factors.

There was nothing out of the normal.