Monday, June 30, 2003

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in College Entrance Essays & Writing Exams

* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.

* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

* He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

* Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

* The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

* Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

* She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Bus Conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers. One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

if you couldn't, see below......

Answer : During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!

Saturday, June 28, 2003

Be Strong

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns but he finds a young couple in bed.
He ordes the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."
You are DORY!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?

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what's YOUR deepest secret?
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You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and

What Matrix Persona Are You?
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ICE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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You're Sensitive and you'd like to stay that way..
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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You Have the Power to Turn Things to Stone!

What's Your Magic Power?
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Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Typical Chinese

There was once an Chinese man called Ah Chong who involved in a terrible car accident. In the hospital, when he gained his consciousness, he called out for the nurse to know what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you had involved in a very bad car crash".
"Car crash! My Mercedes! My Mercedes! is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries. You've lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save
it", she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition and all your family are here to see you".
He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them.
"Wife, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you".
"Son, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you".
"Daughter, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well," said Ah Chong thoughtfully, "if all of you are here, WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?!!!!"

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

Your Room

The Window: Your Attitude
Your choice of the blue sky reveals a person who is very much a cheery optimist. You regularly exhibit "soft, airy, fluffy" behaviour, expressed as a magical metamorphism into weird and wonderful new shapes (as the wind blows). In all your endeavours you need room to breathe, frequently telling others to "Relax. Let's blue sky some ideas." As valiantly sunny as you are, you do have a darker side. You store up pain until you burst into tears while the heavens ring out with songs such as, "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head". Although your eye is fixed on the horizon, deep in your inner self you may have a secret wish to be a flight attendant, (coffee, tea or me) while watching blue movies and crying the blues with Ella Fitzgerald.

The Music: Your Lover
Your love ranges from the passion of Beethoven to the delicate beauty of Pachebal. Your relationship is based on an enduring trust and classical balance that helps you both rise to the highest level of understanding.

The Pictures: Your Relationships
Revealing an outgoing person with multiple friends and family who enjoys the ego stroking of putting his/her best stuff on display. May also mean that the person has eclectic taste in people (prefers groups) and does not like to be limited to monogamous relationships.

The Garbage: Your Problems
Your problems are small but they do exist. You run in fear from big problems foisting them over to your larger parent. But not all problems can be avoided and the garbage has to go somewhere. Sometimes you overflow in extreme moments with stubborn refusal to accept more problems than you can handle. In the deepest corner of your being you believe, as do your parents, that problems should not be hidden from sight but are better handled in a transparent, translucent and open manner.

The Clock: Your Future
Your future is that of a visionary, imagining scenarios for the next millennium. You may find yourself at home in an expansive industrial space, or marking time in a future warped out of a Douglas Coupland novel. Guard against your tendency for depression at your core. It is pronounced and evident to all. While this could cause consternation your off-beat sense of yourself redefines your concave, pillowy body as a life saving buoy fed solely on peanut butter thumbprint cookies. Your hands continually caress your external self causing others to accuse you of an inflated ego, but you know that time will pass and prove you to be right on

Your Room

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Cyclops! You are the general nice guy. Or girl.
Whatever. You are in love and things seem to be
going well, ignore the jealousy, yeah?

What X Men 2 Movie Character Are You?
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Children is kina kia
Bird is chiao kia
Korean Car is Kia
Give birth is seh kia
Furniture is Ikea
Police is mata kia
Small house is chu kia
Country name is Czechoslovakia
Puppy is kao kia
Kitten is ngiao kia
Chicken is kuey kia
Rabbit is tu kia
H/phone is nokia

I'm Hokkien kia,
Malay is huan kia
Hindu is kit leng kia
Kuai lou is ang mo kia
Chinese is t'ng lang kia
Japanese is jit pun kia
Bad Guy is phai kia
Good Guy is ho kia

Person who read this message is Gong Kia
If you laugh, you are Siow Kia
Feel better, live better

ok, go back to work :>

Sunday, June 01, 2003

Lateral Thinking

1. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son!" How can this be?


2. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, jumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?


3. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques.


4. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?


5. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.


6. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?


1. The surgeon was his mother.
2. It was day time.
3. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.
4. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch. (this shows that you should always coup the food first wahahah ;^P)
5. The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups-so the man no longer needed the water.
6. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However, if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.