Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy valentine's day to everyone~

how refreshing, to be able to spend it with a few buddies this year :D shopping! just before the new year. yay~

i'm glad all my midterms and stuff are over. finally can enjoy myself. skipped kendo yesterday. haiz. why am i the only one getting reprimanded for that... urghh... can't i at least relax for a while... maybe i should've went and whack my anger away eh. rather than stay home, eat and get fat. oh well. at least i learnt something useful yesterday.
i think i should increase my demand: 9999 kawasaki roses!!
let's see, i took an hour to do 1, so that's about 10,000 hours = 416days = 1.141 years.
patience, people, patience.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Today, you may understand the deeper meaning of the values of your milieu, Christy-Bell. You will gain understanding of your parents' past, as well as of the motivations of your grandparents and other people in your family. This may be a very big day for digging deeper into your roots. And you will benefit greatly from this profound new understanding of your past.

woah. maybe i really was born from a rubbish bin, like my mom says. then i shouldn't dig deeper eh.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

a little pain
作詞: OLIVIA・Masumi Kawamura
作曲: Hiroo Yamaguchi

Travel to the moon
君は眠り 夢を解く
誰もいない 星の光 操りながら

強くなるため 忘れた笑顔
きっと二人なら 取り戻す

* 気づいて
I'm here waiting for you
I'm here waitng for you
きっと心は つなぐ糸をたぐってる
あの頃の私 目を覚ますように
no need to cry

Travel in silence
手をのばせば 触れるのに
それは 思い出の中のこと

声が聞こえる 目を閉じれば
小さな痛みさえ いとしくて

I'm here waiting for you
風に吹かれ 一人迷っても
I'm here waiting for you
ずっと心は 手を広げて守ってる
あの頃の君が 振り返るまで
no need to cry

(Feel something Feel nothing
Listen closely Listen closely)
Wide open ears
Disarm the dream tickler
In the constant moment
(You will find me Where it's quiet
Listen closely Listen closely)
Let the blood flow
Through all the spaces
Of the universe

* repeat
i'm starting to think i ain't good at anything.
eventhough i've tried to convince myself.
you know what? your powerpoint sucks.
the colour appears all wrong. don't you know by now that you should have adjusted your background according to what would be reflected on screen? can't you even test it first? you should know people don't like complicated formulas and mathematical procedures appearing. no long sentences. we don't want to read it, we don't even understand it. your animations are distracting. your background is too colourful. we don't get what you mean. you suck. your presentation sucks. and stop stuttering because we won't know what you're trying to get at.
oh, by the way, you really can't draw.
you don't have the proportions. they don't balance. they still look like primary schools. you can't even copy well. why should you pride yourself on imitating a drawing? there's no real skill in that. and the worst thing is, you can't colour! there's no point in doing black and white these days, especially if they are not a good black and white anyway. you try to shade, but they just don't look as good as the real thing. you try to 'anime'-lise your characters, but they are just not cute. you tried but you failed.
you can't sing or act for nuts.
you go out of tune, you can't sing high enough even if you have long ago believed so. you have a really terrible voice. and you try to sound it out by the weird joke-y noises. huh. you're just lousy. you are expressionless. i feel hair standing just seeing your actions. you're trying too hard. you can't do it.
your experiences measure up to nothing.
in the end you still can't do anything, and you forget everything. why do you do so much for? they just don't matter in the end.

stop. wallowing. in. self. pity.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

how does it feel to be awake at the time you're supposed to be sleeping, worrying about that 2.5 marks you got taken away needlessly?
well, not just that.

for example,
the below average i.e. quiz.
the misinterpretation of my interview question.
running away from my internship talk and feeling like a thief afterwards.
not being able to contribute for my b.p. project.
being left out in my m.r. project.
passing by a person i really want to say hello to.
seeing someone pretending not to see you.
trying to agree to everything but finding that you can't accomplish anything.
finishing something fast and making lots of mistakes in it.
feeling like everyone's laughing at you.
feeling desperate.
feeling like running away from everything.
feeling like everyone shouldn't really believe in me.
letting everyone down.
that i can't keep up anymore. lagging behind. seeing the backs of people shrinking.
being someone you're not.
keeping up appearances.
having no one to understand.
being ashamed to talk about it.
tired, and yet unwilling to admit it. because you once said it. and so did you. and now, you.
as your face burns up, and you just want to shrink into nothingness as your eyes well up. time and again, you just can't help it.
not wanting anyone to notice.
wanting someone to notice.
having me giving up on myself.
and my stinking feet. smell of souring.
wanting to tear, but you can't afford to reapply that cream. what a joke.
having a mess on your table. ants crawling around, but too lazy to reorganise and clean up.
ants crawling around your bag, wherever you go.
blood spilling everytime you visit the loo.
blemishes on my face.
fats on my arms and tummy.
wanting to look good and slim down. but still continue to eat.
wanting to get something, yet don't want it at the same time.
mistreating someone who deserves better.

and erasing everything here.
oh ya, please refer to below-mentioned post for reasons to:
not going home for dinner for every other day
going home for dinner on tuesday
not going out to shop
not going to kendo
not going to part-time job
sleeping late and waking up early (actually this doesn't really require a reason)

please add to the list.
do i have a common face?
i had a high school friend telling me that 'i' appeared in a driving centre. (i just fired my instructor, won't be appearing there anytime soon anyway) - i was in school.
and yesterday, a primary school friend claims that 'i' appeared at orchard. phew, luckily you didn't ask her if she was me - i was at home.

am waiting for xm to finish her career consultation. arghhh i'm screwed i'm screwed!!!!!
i had 3 tests in a row!! let's derive joy from poor old me's wonderfully exciting schedule:
monday: finance quiz, bp homework due, ft interview recording (and i so totally blew it)
tuesday: i.e. quiz (below average standing... oh well i must be getting stupid)
wednesday: consumer behaviour quiz (why did i think it was gonna be simple... huh.), oh shit xm just reminded me that i have an internship talk. and i have my bp meeting today. the woes of poor planning.
thursday: oh yay! i'm gonna skip my part time job.
friday: marketing research quiz
saturday: (and i'm skipping kendo for the 3rd consecutive time. i feel so bad. i want to sing kbox today though)
sunday: business process midterm (holy, CHEERS, i got a test on a sunday.)
monday: finance midterm (man i love my schedule.)
tuesday: -i pray there won't be any more shocks to come-