Women's Advice To Men (What Men Ought To Know...)

The reason why our bras don't always match our under wear is because WE actually change our underwear.

The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet bowl.

If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.

Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.

No, we're not impressed with your car...it takes no special skills to make car payments each month.

Please don't drive when you're not driving.

Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime...Thank-you.

Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.

If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.

We don't care if you hold the remote...unlike you however, we don't enjoy watching 117 different programs in 5 minutes.

The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: We don't care.

When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life... you'll never see the 'island' coming.

We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance... in fact, PLEASE DO!

Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.

Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours"...the torn jeans and dirty t-shirts will last longer that way.

If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive versus a negative grunt.

Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us...WHAT'S THE POINT?!?!

Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

Your balding is a good thing... it subsidizes our hair care expenses.

Some women actually know more about a car and the mechanics involved than you do.

Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

We go to the ladies room in groups to talk about you.

Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss for one.

Just Face It...You Need Me More Than I Need You.