i feel liberated today.. like dancing in the rain. 雨过天晴.
the lady sort of struck up an inner enthusiasm from within, made me wanna achieve more and made me realise the bigger things in life. and i realised... i want this very much. so i'm kinda looking forward to next week, i will be giving it my best shot. i guess i've never felt so motivated before!
and then i remembered taking one look at you when you called me. and i smirked at myself for being the fool. i laughed because i had been smitten and deranged for a month, and i pity myself for devaluing what was worth of me.
i have been doubtful, lacking self-confidence, wandering blindly like a headless cockroach; turned into a whimpering, self-pitying little girl, all because of this silly infatuation. so silly, so useless, and so time-consuming. so stupid.
but today as i delete the remains of you, i realised that i am much more than you. it is your loss, it is not my gain. i lost myself for a while, i lost my own respect. i ran around in circles, i confused myself. but now i know better.
so get lost, and get out.
because bright lights and fireworks appear for a brief moment, so beautiful; a faded and lingering drawn-out sparkle, but they eventually disappear into nothingness.