happy valentine's day to everyone~

how refreshing, to be able to spend it with a few buddies this year :D shopping! just before the new year. yay~

i'm glad all my midterms and stuff are over. finally can enjoy myself. skipped kendo yesterday. haiz. why am i the only one getting reprimanded for that... urghh... can't i at least relax for a while... maybe i should've went and whack my anger away eh. rather than stay home, eat and get fat. oh well. at least i learnt something useful yesterday.
i think i should increase my demand: 9999 kawasaki roses!!
let's see, i took an hour to do 1, so that's about 10,000 hours = 416days = 1.141 years.
patience, people, patience.

Today, you may understand the deeper meaning of the values of your milieu, Christy-Bell. You will gain understanding of your parents' past, as well as of the motivations of your grandparents and other people in your family. This may be a very big day for digging deeper into your roots. And you will benefit greatly from this profound new understanding of your past.


woah. maybe i really was born from a rubbish bin, like my mom says. then i shouldn't dig deeper eh.

a little pain
作詞: OLIVIA・Masumi Kawamura
作曲: Hiroo Yamaguchi

Travel to the moon
君は眠り　夢を解く
誰もいない　星の光　操りながら

強くなるため　忘れた笑顔
きっと二人なら　取り戻す

* 気づいて
I'm here waiting for you
今とは違う未来があっても
I'm here waitng for you
叫び続けて
きっと心は　つなぐ糸をたぐってる
あの頃の私　目を覚ますように
no need to cry

Travel in silence
手をのばせば　触れるのに
君は遠い
それは　思い出の中のこと

声が聞こえる　目を閉じれば
小さな痛みさえ　いとしくて

見つめて
I'm here waiting for you
風に吹かれ　一人迷っても
I'm here waiting for you
空を見上げて
ずっと心は　手を広げて守ってる
あの頃の君が　振り返るまで
no need to cry

(Feel something　Feel nothing
Listen closely　Listen closely)
Wide open ears
Disarm the dream tickler
In the constant moment
(You will find me　Where it's quiet
Listen closely　Listen closely)
Let the blood flow
Through all the spaces
Of the universe

* repeat

i'm starting to think i ain't good at anything.
eventhough i've tried to convince myself.
you know what? your powerpoint sucks.
the colour appears all wrong. don't you know by now that you should have adjusted your background according to what would be reflected on screen? can't you even test it first? you should know people don't like complicated formulas and mathematical procedures appearing. no long sentences. we don't want to read it, we don't even understand it. your animations are distracting. your background is too colourful. we don't get what you mean. you suck. your presentation sucks. and stop stuttering because we won't know what you're trying to get at.
oh, by the way, you really can't draw.
you don't have the proportions. they don't balance. they still look like primary schools. you can't even copy well. why should you pride yourself on imitating a drawing? there's no real skill in that. and the worst thing is, you can't colour! there's no point in doing black and white these days, especially if they are not a good black and white anyway. you try to shade, but they just don't look as good as the real thing. you try to 'anime'-lise your characters, but they are just not cute. you tried but you failed.
you can't sing or act for nuts.
you go out of tune, you can't sing high enough even if you have long ago believed so. you have a really terrible voice. and you try to sound it out by the weird joke-y noises. huh. you're just lousy. you are expressionless. i feel hair standing just seeing your actions. you're trying too hard. you can't do it.
your experiences measure up to nothing.
in the end you still can't do anything, and you forget everything. why do you do so much for? they just don't matter in the end.

stop. wallowing. in. self. pity.

how does it feel to be awake at the time you're supposed to be sleeping, worrying about that 2.5 marks you got taken away needlessly?
well, not just that.

for example,
the below average i.e. quiz.
the misinterpretation of my interview question.
running away from my internship talk and feeling like a thief afterwards.
not being able to contribute for my b.p. project.
being left out in my m.r. project.
passing by a person i really want to say hello to.
seeing someone pretending not to see you.
trying to agree to everything but finding that you can't accomplish anything.
finishing something fast and making lots of mistakes in it.
feeling like everyone's laughing at you.
feeling desperate.
feeling like running away from everything.
feeling like everyone shouldn't really believe in me.
letting everyone down.
that i can't keep up anymore. lagging behind. seeing the backs of people shrinking.
being someone you're not.
keeping up appearances.
having no one to understand.
being ashamed to talk about it.
tired, and yet unwilling to admit it. because you once said it. and so did you. and now, you.
as your face burns up, and you just want to shrink into nothingness as your eyes well up. time and again, you just can't help it.
not wanting anyone to notice.
wanting someone to notice.
having me giving up on myself.
and my stinking feet. smell of souring.
wanting to tear, but you can't afford to reapply that cream. what a joke.
having a mess on your table. ants crawling around, but too lazy to reorganise and clean up.
ants crawling around your bag, wherever you go.
blood spilling everytime you visit the loo.
blemishes on my face.
fats on my arms and tummy.
wanting to look good and slim down. but still continue to eat.
wanting to get something, yet don't want it at the same time.
mistreating someone who deserves better.

and erasing everything here.

oh ya, please refer to below-mentioned post for reasons to:
not going home for dinner for every other day
going home for dinner on tuesday
not going out to shop
not going to kendo
not going to part-time job
sleeping late and waking up early (actually this doesn't really require a reason)

bahh.
whatever.
please add to the list.

do i have a common face?
i had a high school friend telling me that 'i' appeared in a driving centre. (i just fired my instructor, won't be appearing there anytime soon anyway) - i was in school.
and yesterday, a primary school friend claims that 'i' appeared at orchard. phew, luckily you didn't ask her if she was me - i was at home.
mahhh

am waiting for xm to finish her career consultation. arghhh i'm screwed i'm screwed!!!!!
i had 3 tests in a row!! let's derive joy from poor old me's wonderfully exciting schedule:
monday: finance quiz, bp homework due, ft interview recording (and i so totally blew it)
tuesday: i.e. quiz (below average standing... oh well i must be getting stupid)
wednesday: consumer behaviour quiz (why did i think it was gonna be simple... huh.), oh shit xm just reminded me that i have an internship talk. and i have my bp meeting today. the woes of poor planning.
thursday: oh yay! i'm gonna skip my part time job.
friday: marketing research quiz
saturday: (and i'm skipping kendo for the 3rd consecutive time. i feel so bad. i want to sing kbox today though)
sunday: business process midterm (holy, CHEERS, i got a test on a sunday.)
monday: finance midterm (man i love my schedule.)
tuesday: -i pray there won't be any more shocks to come-

wink.
wink.
wink.
wink.
wink.

i guess this is all how it started.

?属天使
☆作?:施人?☆?曲:??淳☆
☆作曲:Tank☆
☆主唱:Tank☆
我不会怪你 ?我的?装
天使在人?是?藏好翅膀
人?愚蠢?莽而你??善良
怎能?你 ?了我被碰?
小小的手掌 厚厚的温暖
你?能平?我不安的夜?
不敢想的梦想 透?你的眼光
我才看? 它原来在前方
没有?能把你?离我身旁
你是我的 ?属天使
唯我能独占
没有?能取代你在我心上
?有一个 ?属天使
我哪里?需要 ?的愿望
小小的手掌 大大的力量
我一定也会 像你一??翔
你想去的地方 就是我的方向
有我保? 笑容尽管??
没有?能把你?离我身旁
你是我的 ?属天使
唯我能独占
没有?能取代你在我心上
?有一个 ?属天使
我哪里?需要 ?的愿望
要不是你出?
我一定?在沉睡
?望的以? 生命只有?夜
没有?能把你?离我身旁
你是我的 ?属天使
唯我能独占
没有?能取代你在我心上
?有一个 ?属天使
我哪里?需要 ?的愿望

1. My friends...
where are they?
2. I am listening to..
some serial drama dialogues from the living room
3. Maybe I should...
just slack all the way!!
4. I love...
squall leonhart!!
5. My plan...
don't seem to be able to be fulfilled
6. I don't understand...
why do you act that way... and why i respond that way.
7. I lost...
my life back there.
8. People say...
things that i don't want to hear
9. I'm missing...
life at morey's...
10. Love means...
being both tense and comfortable around that person
11. Somewhere, someone is...
waiting for me (HAHA)
12.I'm always searching for...
the answer.
13.Forever seems....
just like a fantasy.
14. I never want to....
do this to you.
15. My mobile phone...
has a byakuya wallpaper
16. When I wake up in the morning...
i sleep again and try to wake up again (and loop those actions)
17. I get annoyed when...
i get criticised in something i put in a lot of effort on
18. Parties are...
fun and annoying at the same time.
19. My cat is ...
that fat garfield downstairs heh.
20. Hug and kisses..
cookies and cream~
21. Today I...
had a marketing test and slacked all the way till now (i'm still slacking)
22. Tomorrow I will...
be working (haizzzzzzzz, boring)
23. I really want...
to get out of school
24. I...
am wondering why i'm doing this (-_-`)

Happy Birthday Wini~!!!
(was just forced to add this in after seeing her an hour ago (-_-`) wahhaha. even if it is 3months late... oh well~)

Drinking Cold water after meal = Cancer!

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold
water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will
slow down the digestion.

Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed
by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.

Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink
hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE": (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!)

Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be
the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart
attack.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.

60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not
wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful
and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could
survive...

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10
people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read
this...It could save your life!!

Let's say it's 6.15 pm and you're driving home ..

Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that
starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are
only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far.
You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did
not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE":

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without
help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to
feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing
consciousness.
However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly
and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each
cough, deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside
the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds
without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be
beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements
squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing
pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.
In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as
many other people as possible about this. It could save their
lives!! "

would it have been different if certain things didn't happen the way they did?

19th September 2006

You will try to know better the people you have met recently. Indeed, today's celestial energy will give you this desire to deepen your relationships. You will have to adapt to this new frame of mind. But, you will have to understand that some people's feelings might be different from yours. You will see that you will be better off if you share your energy with the ones who care about you.

is this referring to the one who just logged in, or the one whom i got a reminder of? either way, i'll just stay shut for a while.

this little leaf floated from tree to tree. got trapped in one and wrung itself free. got caught by one and stuck on with it. got loved by one and ran away from it. this little leaf couldn't decide what it wants, and now it's all too late.

i want to go back to wildwood!
miss those good ol' days...

me faltas...

187, perfect.

he really looks like him... maybe just a little difference in height...

urghh... phat thai phat thai...
fat thighs.

some species of people i've observed:

1. people who doesn't try and gets it.
2. people who tries and eventually and or occasionally makes it.
3. people who tries too hard and doesn't make it.
4. people who sometimes tried to and sometimes gives us
5. people who doesn't try and doesn't make it.

which are you?

i tried, but i failed. so i guess i'm not about to try anymore.