I wasn't getting any better.

6 May - 9 May

We checked into a 2 person ward the next day. It was a little more spacious and the common fridge was just next to us. The toilet was still terrible but at least the water basin was just outside. The nurses decided to put me off Lavobar since my contractions died off. I soon realised that this was even more of a mistake than what i previously thought. These drugs can't be taken off completely at once - the better way was to reduce the quantity bit by bit so the body can adjust. But it was too late. The momenty body couldn't feel Lavobar it decided to start contracting again and i was fed twice the quantity i had that night T.T

The rest of my days here were repetitive - i have blood test EVERYDAY. New needles and stuff. I have to go to the contractions room at 7am EVERYDAY to make sure my contractions are under control. It felt like boot camp. The 4 days passed so torturously. Everyday my drip quantity increased and i could feel myself getting worse and worse.

The nurses recommended me to move to the high risk room where i could be monitored more closely but it means i can't have nampyeon by my side. The first day i didn't have him at the prev hospital i was alr a mess and so i rejected the idea. Nampyeon decided to head home on 9 May to refresh himself and run some errands. I got so emotionally distressed alone i started falling into self-despair. It worsened when i looked at the terrible environment i was in. I was hungry the whole day since we canceled the food - i hated korean food more and more and i couldn't eat anything they served here. I think i got triggered during one of the routine checks where the actions of the nurse just felt so insincere and 'I'm just doing my job and i don't really care about you' attitude. I felt mistreated and uncared for and i started wondering if i will ever see the end of my condition. I tried to control my tears while the nurse did the check but i finally burst when she asked why i was crying. She tried to tell me not to worry because the med is definitely helping my condition, but no one could tell me where this was all going to. I knew that my negative emotions would affect the babies but i couldn't help it. I shouldn't have been so weak and wallow in self-pity. There were a lot of i shouldn'ts when i thought about this day again later on. The nurses were right - whatever i felt and thought - the babies could feel it too.

After the emotional bout, all the other nurses who came in after suddenly changed their attitude and became more sensitive. I ate a banana, apple, crackers and drank orange juice to get me till 1130pm when nampyeon finally came back. I had cup noodles but i was feeling so sick i thought i might puke but i stuffed down the vomit with a banana.

In the morning i was weighed and was surprised to find i was down to 56kg. My feet and hand swelling were completely gone. Although the nurses told me that it was a good sign i knew better. I was dehydrating and dehydration could have been one of the reasons why my contractions kept picking up speed. however, the doctors didn't link such a fact, it was just suspicions on my part.