I was sent to the monitoring room again and monitored till 2am. The nurses increased the dosage of both drugs to 50ml each but it didn't get any better. The interval was still 5mins and the pain didn't get any weaker. But i was so tired that i feel asleep during one of the 5mins interval and even had a weird dream where i was experiencing earthquake while lying on the bed. I asked what was happening and realised the whole room was moving, and i stepped out to a place that looks like a desert with mechanical disposal. People were lined up and i was told to do the same but I got hungry and declared that I'm pregnant and i would eat now. The next moment i was exploring school canteens and i woke up because the contraction pains came on again. The nurses noticed i slept and told me the contractions may be happening because I'm too tired and i wasn't able to sleep properly so they sent me back to the ward for some sleep. I told them that the contractions were still painful and the interval was still the same but they advised me to rest anyway. Back in my ward, the contractions kept me awake and i struggled till 5am when the nurse next came in for checks, to which i was sent back to the monitoring room again since i wasn't getting any better.
I learnt that i should have told the nurses my pain level was more than 4/10. At 4, it was a level where it could be settled by painkillers so i chose that point. Since it wasn't a high rating the nurses attended to another patient and left me hanging. They increased the drug level but of cos it didn't help at all. The pains were significantly different from the previous contractions i felt. Normally there's a soft vibration that spreads out and causes a menstrual sting at the end, but this time there was no build up. The menstrual sting was about 2-3times stronger than what i normally felt and stayed for about 1.5mins each time. The pain came on every 3-5mins and adjusting my sleeping position didn't help at all. This should actually have been an 8 or 9 on the pain radar.
The nurses came in to inject a drug on my butt around 630am saying that it would help the babies to breathe better later on, and i think they probably caught on that my contractions weren't normal. Just about 30mins after... i felt something popped out beneath. It felt like a bubble had just burst out. I called for the nurses who panicked when they saw what came out and quickly held it back up my vagina. I couldn't see anything but somehow i felt that my first baby might have came out. I was actually very calm at that point of time in comparison with the nurses who came in after. I was being wheeled to the surgery room, shifted to the surgery table and examined there. I don't know what they did below as there was a cloth covering my view but my lower back seemed to be hinged by the bad birth-giving position and i was in a very uncomfortable placement. The contractions kept coming on at the same interval and level, but the doctor seemed to think it was ok. She told me that the baby who passed on came out and i will be brought back to be monitored for my contractions again, and that the twins were safe.
However it didn't seem that way when the professor stepped in to find me in the monitoring room later. He went on a bout of scolding fest, asking why there weren't fetal heartrate monitor on me, and why i was even sent back to me monitored when my contractions didn't stop. He asked the doctors (at this point i couldn't really tell who were the nurses and who were the nurses actually) if i was examined by ultrasound to verify the twins condition, and they immediately whisked out the machine and placed gel on my belly. The twins position appeared to be much lower than before and the prof told the nurses to put me back to surgery room. I was whisked out again, and transferred to the table. It was such a commotion. One of the nurses poked me with a fat needle on my right arm and i saw blood dripping out from the needle. Realising she prob burst my vessel, she proceeded to remove and repoke in the middle of my hand. T.T After several bouts of scolding the nurses for their lack of attention the prof told me that the twins were coming out as well and i should push when the contractions happened. Before that they would stick a urine cord in my as it seems my bladder was bursting (true enough, i had wanted so much to pee when those contractions happened and i should have done so). I was suddenly afraid - they were barely 24weeks - but i had no choice. He said they would do their best to save the babies. When the contractions came on, i pushed while the nurses pressed my stomach, and i felt another bubble bursting out underneath. It happened for another 2 times, and I realized in that 3 pushes i got both twins and my placenta out. All in the span of probably 20mins. I also felt several other things gushing out underneath probably blood and cords but because my contractions were the most uncomfortable i couldn't notice anything else. I did notice several doctors standing around a box which i presumed had my babies but i couldn't see them at all. My contractions gradually died out and i realised everything seems to be over. I was transferred to a patient bed and parked at a recovery area, with a pad underneath me. Blood, urine and stuff was still flowing out and it seems it would be that way for the next hour. I was lying flat and leaking and alone, since my nampyeon couldn't come in due to corona regulations. Nampyeon was waiting outside the NICU on the other hand, waiting for news of our newborns.
The news wasn't very pleasant through when nampyeon called. One of our twins were struggling and was not able to breathe by herself and we had to decide if we should let her go or keep trying to save her. Nampyeon decided it was best to let go because her heart could only work when resuscitated with a hand. It was not looking good at all. My mind went blank and i couldn't think anymore. I wondered how our last twin was doing and if i will have to witness 3 deaths today. Nampyeon told me not to put too much hope in the last one because she only weighed 400g on birth and didn't have developed lungs. I wasn't thinking anymore tbh.
After an hour and a half, i was sent to my ward with fresh sheets and change of patient gown. Nampyeon said i should take a look at our second twin before i regret, but the nurses said i would be too weak to do so and might faint from the loss of blood. I wanted to see my baby and i went ahead anyway. The nurses warned me to come back within 30mins and don't stand up no matter what Nampyeon wheeled me to NICU and i saw my baby for the first time.
She was wrapped in thick towels and the nurses took her out so i could hold her. Her lids were closed and her face looked peaceful. She actually had visible lashes and a very nicely developed nose, but her mouth was torn on the left, probably due to the tubes stuck in to make her breathe. Her face was so small, it was about the size of a normal baby's palm or maybe the size of my ear. I carried her for a good 5mins before i started to lose consciousness. Blood suddenly drained from my head and i called for my nampyeon to wheel me back. Nampyeon honestly panicked and he kept telling me not to sleep while he zoomed me all the way back to the ward. I was feeling faint but i didn't black out. My whole body just sort of gave out. I was re-connected with nutriet and fluid drips and it probably took me a good hour to regain myself.
At 12pm the nurses came in and told me to pass urine. I had to do it through a measuring tub beneath me on my bed since i wasn't able to walk properly yet. Everytime i urinate there was a piercing pain, prob due to the urine cord inserted previously. It took me a good 15mins to get my urine out. The nurses urged me to drink water and eat but i didn't have much appetite and tbh i didn't really want to go to the toilet since i was still having mild contractions and my legs felt like jelly. When nampyeon came back in the evening after settling our 1st and 2nd twins funeral and admin matters, he helped me pee again and set up the cleansing tub in the toilet. However i didn't even pass 5mins sitting on the tub and i got all faintly again so he had to take me back to lie on the bed.
That day i lied in bed with a blank mind. I was weak from head to toes. MIL came to visit but i was actually feeling really fine. I didn't feel sad or at a loss. I was surprised at my lack of emotions, as though i had been waiting for this day to happen. I had given my babies their names - Kinzy, Linzy and Minzy. Kinzy was week 20 when she passed on and Linzy is week 23 6 days. Minzy was my last surviving hope. When I finally came to realise what happened at night after looking at the photos nampyeon took of Linzy, realization washed all over me. I lost 2 babies and i sobbed at last, for my loss. I wasn't sure if i could ever celebrate this day again. The births of 3 ended up in a loss of 2. I didn't know what to feel anymore.
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