weekend of painting...

not sure why i painted all the crests light yellow (perhaps because i only had that color haha). here's the downside of the sleeves, supposed to be in blue.



and after painting it blue (i think it looks so much better in yellow)



here's the upside of the sleeves - can you see the difference between yellow and gold?



now we have both of them in gold. gold is nice. hmm-mmm. gold is nice.

painted the blades over the weekends...

spray painted only 1 side red.


this actually has 2 sides taped together to forma bit of 3d look. used black acrylic to paint cos i didn't have black spray paint.

COMPLAIN COMPLAIN!

COMPLAIN #1

i'm hoping i get through my uniqlo interview. i don't think i can stay in my job any longer if i want to stay alive.

managing my own project and budget is a nightmare, and even more so when you have slow suppliers who promise to deliver everything and end up delivering none, and you have to chase them to the ends of hell (in the process cutting your lifespan in half) to get a simple job done.

i'm wishing i'm a programmer myself, it would be so much easier to do the job myself. thank goodness i know enough to make simple changes and do designs to churn out things on time - imagine having to email your supplier to ask for a text change > get hourly rate quote or make arrangement with supplier > wait one day for slow suppliers to respond > supplier don't respond > call supplier > supplier say ok i will do it > the next day it's not done > call and pester supplier again > and the cycle repeats

and i end up having to work on a freaking saturday!! NOOOOOO my precious weekend!!!

*FENG DIAO*

COMPLAIN #2

why is it that people just CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT BE BLOODY ON TIME!??!?! you agree on a time, you jolly well be there at that time! if it's 5 minutes, fine, we all understand that you cannot have as precise an estimate as the japanese, but for half an hour? 1 hour? 2 hours?? the time to meet is NOT the time for you to start showering, eat your breakfast, put on make up and take the bus. there is no 姗姗来迟, or fashionably late, there is only an angry mob looking daggers at you and a christy who is dying to drive her nails into the depths of your brain. (and yes, she can be pretty sadistic when she's mad)

COMPLAIN #3

dear boss asked "i'm so sad, you didn't play the ff13 i bought you"
me "i did, i just cannot play it when everyone else is around cos i need to turn the volume up to enjoy my game"

after drinks, i went back to my office to play the game (about 930pm)

it was the mistake of my life.

at 1030pm,
mr boss "christy, your LYED campaign statistics are all messed up! where is the key data? why is this comment not deleted? why can't you and azel just do this properly??!! now it's too late to make any changes, i have to submit the report!!"

me "..."
*packs stuff and runs home

never stay back in office to play games when your boss is still around.
by the way, boss, i sent the report before 12pm today, you had plenty of time to tell me those and you have to check it at 1030pm?!

pui pui.

it's like asking a random colleague "hey please help me do a report on my campaign"
random colleague "wahhh huh? i have no clue what the project is all about!!"

well, no excuse, you should be going to the shared server (we call it mr NAS), ask the colleague-who-was-on-the-campaign-and-who-has-quit-and-is-now-studying-overseas what was the whole deal about, ask the colleague-who-later-took-it-over-but-is-still-as-clueless, and perhaps just try to luan bom (aka churn out bullshit) and create the numbers you would like to show instead of trying to figure out why a certain number is the way it is.

ok, i'm feeling a bit better now after vomitting all my complaints here.

well of cos i've already gotten most of the materials from the shopping list i posted some time ago. so here's the progress!

did the whole robe first. quite proud of myself because i didn't use any templates! so how i measured it was i drew my own outline on the cloth while i lay there (please laugh while you imagine how i did it).

glad it turned out fitting! (yes like fitting, gosh, i wish it's a bit loose)





i love the french brocade. hmm hmm

and i find that i don't really like this blue. sighss. for the front and back 'tails', with the tassel ends.



and yesterday i worked on the patterns.

1) sketches first



2) then the cutouts



3) drawing the cutouts on the fabric

4) painting them

(will take a picture of step 4 later)

not much reference pictures for my next project except for 2 videos (which he appeared for 2 seconds in one of them)...





part 3 still isn't out yet...

the best reference pics are from the creators themselves





there's a very good existing cos of him though!







yes finally doing a vocaloid character...! guess why i chose him?

by the way i termed this the arabian version (as opposed to turban... or terrorist...)

don't know how many times i tried to stick this thing but uhu glue totally doesn't work and i'm glad hot glue helps.

going to remove the clay part on top though, it seems very flimsy and my blades are certainly not going to stay on...

random list of things that gets on my nerves

1. the question 'how are you?'

yes it's supposed to be polite, yes it's the way foreigners greet, but i just hate it. and i can't bring myself to lie 10 times in a day that i'm fine, so stop asking.

2. smokers walking in front of me.

please destroy your own lungs somewhere else.

3. purposeful broken english

wud joo prz stop all diz. you be pwetty prz

first of all, you can spell joo as you, it's the same 3 letters isn't it? and what's up with prz when you can use pls?? stop acting cute. stop stop stop acting cute, don't make me slap you.

4. littering messages with cranky faces

it doesn't make you friendlier, it makes you look like someone who has nothing to say and is trying to make up for the lack of vocabulary with dumb faces.

5. rainy days

thanks to you, i've had countless soles falling off my cheapskate shoes. not to mention i have a broken umbrella to boot.

6. strong perfume

seems like the more i hate it the nearer it is to me! i can't even taste my lunch! do you really have that much money to dump a bottle each day on yourself???

7. show-offs

oh, did you know i helped xxx to yyy, i also know jjj and kkk. i'm close friends with mmm and lll. aaa and bbb tells me everything, i think ccc and ddd likes me! do i look like i give a damn? listing off famous people doesn't necessarily make you one as well. buzz off

8. people who just cannot be bother to pay attention to obvious things

a: "i have a part-time job for $10/hr for a week from next monday onwards."
b: "oh, how much?"
a: "$10/hr"
b: "start from when?"
a: "next monday"
b: "how long?"
a: "one week. by the way, i don't think they are going to hire idiots like you."

9. people who just insist they are correct

x: "our QC is has perfect english"
y: "oh? your 'turn' is spelt 'trun' by the way. i'm sure his grammar is better, then."

10. working past 6pm

it is time to go, it is time to go.

11. work coming in at 5.59pm

like hell i'm going to finish it up.

12. buffet

i really don't like to gorge myself. these sinful things

13. steamboat and bbq

if i'm gonna eat out, i'd rather have someone cook for me.

14. tardiness

i hate it when you are late. but i hate it even more when i am late. the worst thing though, is when i have to wait for you to meet the client together and we both have to take the blame together for being late.

15. over-friendliness

these social butterflies, they believe in quantity over quality when choosing friends.

16. organising / planning things

i suck at them and i cannot see more than a week ahead. so what. don't ask me to reserve 7th july when it's only 1st feb now.

17. indecisiveness

should i eat x? should i eat y? should i eat k?
like i care.

18. wallowing in self-pitiness

i have no money... i have no time... i cannot do it... there's no solution... it's the end of the world
then just die, you ignorant fool.

19. giving me hope, and taking it away. if you cannot do it, don't ever say that you can.


ok let's continue the list next time, time to do some sewing.

kaito arabian (synchronicity) shopping list

blue french brocade cloth: 4m*$10/m = $40
blue cloth: 4m*$2.50/m = $10
wig: $25
blue crystals: $5.50/30pcs
clear crystal drop: $3 per piece
gold tassels: $1.50/m
sequin tassels: $3.50/m
gold paint: $3.55
blue paint: $2.70

total: $94.75

this seems to mark the end of cosplaying!

1) getting into otacool2 magazine

2) getting into this month's issue of cosmode

3) getting into the semi-semi finals in korea

i have no further regrets!

and for the great year...

1) uniqlo interview! woo-hoo!

the only congratulatory letter thing that seems to spoil my mood...



my saturday... sighhs...

and i've actually worked some more on yf! her costume is really driving me crazy. and now the weapon is driving me crazy too. i have no idea how to attach the pincer thing to the pole... sighhhs. so i've only the base for now

masking tape for weaving. hoho.



golden tape around some thick string



then wrapping it around the pole





managed to get some square beads to spray paint and hot glue on the boot cover too.



and the final version of her necklace/earring set... which i discovered was actually red in color. bleahs.

finally got down to some 'work' after my post-trauma of QSD.
and because i really have not much dramas to watch anyway. ohh, watching hero (MBC) starring my darling jun ki, but it's actually not a drama that would keep you on your toes. just watching his face only.

so here, an improvisation of his crest because i am just unable to find any clear pics at all! well, at least it looks rather close enough since i followed the patterns on his armour too.

guess i need to translate myself... zzz

lee ahn - jeong in / 정인(情人)


눈물이 메말라 버린 줄 알았죠 - 以为眼泪已经干枯
어제까지만 해도 그랬어요 - 昨天还是老样子
내 모습을 너무 닮은 그대의 하루가 - 思念像我一样的你
눈이 시리도록 그리워요

내가 살아갈 동안 필요한 아픔을
그댈 보내며 다 받는대도
심한 몸살을 앓듯 사랑할 수 밖에 없는
이런 날 이해하시겠죠

그대의 미소가 내 안에서 부서져 - 你的微笑在我的心里粉碎
내 몸 감싸주던 날 - 抱着我的哪一天
죽을 만큼 자신있는 사랑주었죠 - 给了我无尽自信的爱
어떻게 그걸 잊으라니요 - 我怎能忘记

내가 살아갈 동안 필요한 아픔을
그댈 보내며 다 받는대도
심한 몸살을 앓듯 사랑할 수 밖에 없는
이런 날 이해하시겠죠

그대의 미소가 내 안에서 부서져
내 몸 감싸주던 날
죽을 만큼 자신있는 사랑주었죠
어떻게 그걸 잊으라니요

눈이 시리도록 그대 보고 싶은 건
가진 만큼의 아픔인가요
다시 제 사랑과 인사해요 다시

OH YAY! finally up! added in my winking scene and altered the beginning. hoho. love bidam.



just in time for youtube's new interface. and now i can find my video by searching queen seon deok bidam!!! :D:D weeeee~

i am very very sad because youtube does not seem to be able to include my video as one of the search results!!! T.T

my bidam! i still love my video anyway.

WATCH QUEEN SEON DEOK! don't watch the mv if you are planning to watch/have not finished because it contains massive spoiler. and i do mean massive.

*editing the video again, upload soon*

self-abuse!
nah, it's all in the name of my KOREA trip!!! yahoo!!!!!!
it was well worth it.
still suffering the after effects of holding 2 huge chain saws for the whole day, my whole body is aching terribly.
whoever said that it was easy getting in must be SERIOUSLY joking. don't let me whack you!

couldn't sleep the whole night because of the damn ending. not that i didn't know that would happen, i just didn't know why i would hope it wouldn't happen. i'm always under the illusion that things may not be what it seems, that there's something more to it than that, or that it would twist a little at the end (perhaps it was all a dream?).

but anyhow... this blog writer wrote out the most impactful and heartrending dialogues happening in the last few episodes.

*** SUPER SPOILERS WARNING! ***

Ending (Adapted from 申公主)

原來毗曇最後要告訴德曼的那一句話就是喊著女王的名字...德曼

在第57集時，德曼曾流著眼淚對毗曇說：

某一天，一切都改變了
有人因為我是公主想殺了我
有人為了守護我，在我的眼前死去
而剩下的人在我面前跪下行禮，對我敬畏，希望我能完成大業。

但是，就在那樣的某一天，你出現了
你總是什麼都不在乎的樣子
對我也不用敬語
我也曾讓你一直保持這樣
只有你還像以前一樣對我
所以，只有你，讓我覺得像從前一樣安心。
回到宮裡後，你也一樣送花給我
用擔心的眼神看著我，抓著我的手

即使那時候有別的原因也沒關係。
看到你的時候，我就能感受到從前的日子，真好

(毗曇：可是為何，為何你變了？)

因為，我沒有自己的名字……
太子也好，公主也好，市井的人也好，他們都有自己的名字
但是，作為王，是沒有自己名字的
我只是陛下
現在誰也不能再叫我的名字了

叫我的名字，就是叛逆啊
就算你是因為戀慕而叫我的名字
那也是對天下的背叛啊！

你問我為什麼變了
因為從我失去名字的那一刻起
你就只是我眾多有勢力的臣下中的一個
而我只是算計著你，對你有疑心的王
你會不會成為另一個美室呢？
必須要這樣疑心和提防著啊！

但是，毗曇啊，
你知道這樣做有多麼辛苦嗎？

你知道我是多麼想去相信你，多麼想期待你
你都知道嗎？

我需要你在身邊，

不是總讓我緊張、讓我孤獨的人
而是對著我眨眼睛，送花給我
輕妄的抓住我顫抖的手的人

毗曇啊，我需要你

像以前一樣固執地保護我，阻止我。

所有人都以為這是王不該有的感情
只有你，把我當成一個普通人，當成女人。
但是，這樣真好

把我當成女人喜歡著的你，真好。
但是這樣，也是可以的嗎？

毗曇想要的愛，注定是得不到的。記得美室對毗曇說過：「你用最脆 弱的人心來期待那遙不可及的夢，真是天真」。就是因為人心太過脆弱，毗曇才會中了廉宗的反間計。不能信任別人一直是毗曇的致命點，也因為如此廉宗的奸計才 能得逞。廉宗死前對著毗曇說：無法信任的是你，動搖的也是你，葬送你愛情的不是陛下，也不是我，正是你自己，是你毗曇。反觀庾 信，就非常的信任德曼。當月夜利用計謀逼得庾信和德曼成為敵人的時候，庾信是冒死回到德曼的身邊，就是因為庾信信任德曼，最後才能存活下來。

當德曼的手垂落在御座旁時，她手上還戴著與毗曇的訂婚戒指。這剛好和德曼問起庾信當年 的往事是對比的。

德曼：
我們曾一度 想過逃避是吧
還記得嗎
現在怎麼樣


庾信：
微臣無地自容
您怎麼突然提起那件事


為什麼最後德曼除了庾信之外，會愛上毗曇，真的不是沒有原因，因為全世界只有毗曇敢把德曼當成女人。假使今天，庾信的回答是：我們就私 奔吧！！我相信德曼不會這麼快死。即便最後留在德曼身邊的只有庾信，但正如她自己所說的：「看似得到了一切，實際什麼也 沒有。」她沒有享受到正常的快樂，不能跟愛的人在一起，更不可能享受到作為女人的快樂。


那個在夢裡告訴自己從現在起她將開始孤單痛苦一生的劇情，不愧是編劇的神來之筆！女王德曼對少女德曼說：「你，會很孤獨，比沙漠還要 乾渴，還要寂寞，好像擁有了一切，到頭來，卻一無所有，可是，一定要堅強，堅強，堅強起來。」未來的自己望 著過去的自己的背影，剩下的只有感慨。


善德女王的最終結局，德曼走到了人生的終點，回想過去那些坎坷的歲月，德曼留下兩行眼淚。在王的道路上她犧牲了太多太多，這樣的結局 還真有點悲涼。

人生可以得到想得到的，不過也會失去不想失去的。或許這就是人生的無奈吧！！

i am so bloody hooked on this show that i'm going nuts!!!

i think he's probably the next guy i'm going crazy over after lee jun ki.

so in this show, bidam appears first in episode 21 as the son of mishil and the other king who was overthrown (cannot remember his name). he's really an odd guy, with a crazy streak and a disregard for the importance of human lives. the way he kills is simply maniacal - no doubts about someone with martial arts skills inherited from the most-respected guardians in silla (the country in the show)



bidam is an important character who later helps deokman in her route to becoming king. one particular look i like when he was acting as the 'speaker of god' or 'ji1 tong2'





there's just something that's captivating about masked scarred long-haired guys *_*

not to mention after he joined hwarang he had his hair up in a nice ponytail hoo hoo





aside from his crazy side, he has this tender spot for deokman. the expression he has when he's around her is just <3



this is the scene where i fell in love with him.



still looking good with a moustache.



it's interesting to see how kim nam gil portrayed the role of bidam, from a crazy killer machine, a joker, to someone who is more serious and dark. the role evolution is really intriguing, and this video just about summarizes bidam.



this video features how bidam and deokman had their fates entwined since birth - both being babies who were discarded, and how they were brought together. one of my favourite mvs featuring their star-crossed lives.



and i totally spoilt myself watching this mv, which is going to be what happens in the end. DON'T WATCH IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCH THE SHOW!! i feel i'm going to be traumatised for a week after i watch the last episode.



kim nam gil in real life! winning the awards for his role as bidam and looking damn good.





hi, tall dark handsome knight! now looking forward to his next show!
there should seriously be more korean history dramas!!

i want to watch.. nowwwwwww.... ww T.T
why the crazy guy bidam became so shuai... *_* and yushin-nang is so <3 - he's not shuai nor my type, but it just feels like jang geum and jeong ho. mmmmm *starts dreaming* to hell with work!

made my ladybug bag while watching queen seon duk. almost forgot about it.



basically it's just foam as the inside and cloth wrapped by uhu glue/cloth tape. it can open up at the black/red split to store stuff. hoho...



redid my pauldrons so it's more... 3d-like too. had to tear away all the previous tapes... the foam is actually pretty holey, but i managed to cover the holey parts with the cloth and tried to stick the black cloth tape over all the holey cloth and holey foam ww



gotta love uhu glue and cloth tape. gonna use elastic band to wear it on my shoulders.



i'm listening to lee jun ki's j style now by the way. sexaaaaaaay. *_* <3<3 you make me wanna be someone better hohohoho

did this sometime ago, crafted with clay and painted with acrylic. then i used a black marker to do the outlines, and finally sprayed a coat of protection/shine. quite happy with the necklace except the beads near the stone got kind of smudged... from what i see on other reference pictures, need to change the earring to a stud and need to add something else to that stone as well as change it's color. so i guess there's still much work left!



i like my shading. hahahhahaha.

bwhahaha i guess it was worth it in the end! i'm so happy i actually came back straight and had the urge to blog about this. guess calafare's job is pretty interesting after all!! *_* the only actor i ever admired (shaun/shawn tan/chen whatever, chen hong yu) in singapore due to his yi xin ren show - i still remembered i actually bothered to be home on time to catch every single episode when it was showing that time - was there *_*!!! although there's no actual scenes between us, it was still good to see him in action.

then there's mr pierre png who is really very good looking in real life, and his role is this CEO trying to dissolve an argument with a just-fired uncle employee. the uncle is damn cute too by the way, he is so gao xiao (he made a joke out of 'da pian zi', which is big liar, as 'da bian zi', which is toilet paper. lols). i can't remember his name though... oh well.

was intimidating at first but i managed to see quite a lot of actors/actresses when i was around the make-up room. not bad for a first-time experience! happy happy! (",) not about to promote the show and make you guys watch it here though... *cringes at my acting* bwahhaha.

went to buy the royal blue ribbons at chinatown on sat after a birthday lunch for mao2, and immediately worked on them when i got home. using val's special uhu glue method, it seriously saved me a lot a lot of time! had to sew it in half first before putting them on since it was still too thick.



looks pretty nice on pictures. finally done with her sari... zzz... what a pain...

finally hyped myself to do some stuff over the new year holidays. gahh. aside from chionging the bloody embroideries, managed to piece together a bag from a reference picture here...







oh wait and then i realised that it really shouldn't be a bag at all! holy crap! what is this website selling?! they made part of the embroidery into pants?! GOSH.



it's a good thing i had my laptop with me. the pouch really isn't a pouch, it's for holding her spear!!



so i had to undo and redo it... this is so much easier to do than trying to sew that stupid zip and the circular top. put on the buckles to adjust tightness too. ughh. now the only problem is whether it can withstand holding the spear... -.-



made the armband using 4 'strands' of the leather i had. quite easy, just needs a bit of weaving basic.



then i found an old polo tee my sister didn't want and cut it. didn't really need to seam it since tshirt quality usually don't unthread that much, and if you try to seam, it just goes out of shape like what i have.



and the back



still looks out of shape but at least when it's worn it looks alright xo

Anime: Skip Beat
Sung by: Miyano Mamoru
Title: Prisoner



奪われたのは　この瞳だけじゃない
危険な純粋さ　ボクでさえ持て余していた
時間と狂気(こころ)だけになって　いつしか迷い込むMAZE
キミを呼ぶ声は　愛しさあふれるほど
悲しく響くよ

I'm prisoner in paradise
ボクの闇に突き刺さったキミは
I'm prisoner in paradise
永遠に　抜けない光棘(とげ)
残酷なほど美しい愛に　閉じ込められてしまったよ

抱きしめるたび　無傷ではいられない
その指先はまるで　氷のようにah冷たくて
頬を伝う温かい雫　ボクから自由を奪う
天国や地獄　今さら居場所なんか
求めてないよな

I'm prisoner in paradise
ボクの嘘を真(まこと)にするキミは
I'm prisoner in paradise
永遠に　醒めない呪縛(ゆめ)
無意味な鎖　禁じられた欲望(ふかみ)に
どこまで落ちてゆけばいい?

I'm prisoner in paradise
ボクの闇に突き刺さったキミは
I'm prisoner in paradise
永遠に　抜けない光棘(とげ)
残酷なほど美しい愛に　ボクの命を捧げるよ

[romanji lyrics]

ubawareta no wa kono hitomi dake janai
kiken na junsui sa BOKU de sae moteamashite ita
jikan to kokoro dake ni natte itsushika mayoikomu MAZE
KIMI wo yobu koe wa itoshisa afureru hodo
kanashiku hibiku yo

I’m prisoner in paradise
BOKU no yami ni tsukisasatta KIMI wa
I’m prisoner in paradise
eien ni nukenai toge
zankoku na hodo utsukushii ai ni tojikomerarete shimatta yo

dakishimeru tabi mukizu de wa irarenai
sono yubisaki wa marude koori no you ni ah tsumetakute
hoo wo tsutau atatakai shizuku BOKU kara jiyuu wo ubau
tengoku ya jigoku imasara ibasho nanka
motometenai yo na

I’m prisoner in paradise
BOKU no uso wo makoto ni suru KIMI wa
I’m prisoner in paradise
eien ni samenai yume
muimi na kusari kinjirareta fukami ni
dokomade ochite yukeba ii

I’m prisoner in paradise
BOKU no yami ni tsukisasatta KIMI wa
I’m prisoner in paradise
eien ni nukenai toge
zankoku na hodo utsukushii ai ni BOKU no inochi wo sasageru yo

[english translation]

it's not just my eyes that you stole
i was overwhelmed by this unadulterated danger
it's become nothing but time and my heart
you penetrate the darkness that surrounds me it is perplexed unnoticed and the voice which calls MAZE you who are packed is dear

i'm a prisoner in paradise
a thorn that cannot be removed.I'm prisoner in paradise the light which it does not come out eternally 棘 (accomplishing) were shut in cruel extent beautiful love

i'm wounded each time we embrace
your fingers, they're as cold ...ah... as ice
the warm teardrops on my cheeks...
they steal from me.

As for you who make I'm prisoner in paradise my lie true (truth) I'm prisoner in paradise the spell (dream) meaningless chain which does not awaken eternally in the desire

i'm a prisoner in paradise
a thorn that cannot be removed. I'm prisoner in paradise the light which it does not come out eternally 棘 (accomplishing) lift up my life to cruel extent beautiful love

last updated, 28th jan. have not written for a long time, so while i'm pondering over the essay to uniqlo, thought i might key a very long entry for the first time.

or maybe not.

sighs.

i have so many things to complain about.

1) my job. as if writing a report isn't something i hate, it seems that i have more of it coming after i complained about it to my boss!!! he doesn't seem to understand. i am freaking UNABLE to look for a coder, a facebook person, write an action plan, do a proposal, plan the overall outline, do a sitemap of the modifications to be made, do up a freaking outline AND get the whole damn thing carried out in a single night. he thinks it's simple just because i don't move my butt from my seat the entire day, but he doesn't get how much work you need to put in to get these seemingly insignificant chores stuff. and did i mention i was trying, in the midst of his incredible task list to me, to write a 20page report for this project which requires you to just host an 80mb file?

2) being singaporean. gosh you have to go back to the embassy and the ica building for 300 times before they approve the application and give you your documents. and pay a massive sum. then they put your ugliest photo as your ic and passport photo. and you have to stick with it for 5 years. what's wrong with scanning the better looking photo! (ok i'm so frivolous but WTH) i have to live with the ic for the rest of my freaking life and go across borders for 5 years with that hideous picture! i was so NOT feeling fantastic that i converted. not to mention the first letter the government gave me was 'CONGRATS, YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS AN INCOME TAX PLAYER'. you'd think there's an orientation welcome package, but all the bloody rich government wants is your money when you become part of them.

3) cosplay. all i can say, i'm starting to socialise and know more people, but maybe i shouldn't have. small talking even 10 people at once is a feat. and this world is full of crappy people who seems to want to rise to stardom in a blink, and is friendly to you just because you might be their stepping stone. it's hideous. but i know it's real. sometimes you don't even know if a person is sincere anymore, you can't stop thinking whether this person wants something else when he starts to talk to you, you don't even know what he'll say behind your back, or how he'll twist your words. i might not experience all these, but it's sickening enough to know someone is doing such things. i don't care what it takes, i'll finish whatever characters i have and get out by the end of the year. perhaps it's better to not know anything at all.